There are many men having no difficulty achieving orgasm with vaginal intercourse or solo sex who cannot always climax when receiving a blowjob. Here are some tried and true ways in which that can be remedied.
The Brain: Your Other Sex Organ
Without question, your brain is the most significant and most potent sex organ in your body. Sex wouldn’t be possible without it. What you think and believe, how you feel and what you do are all controlled by the brain (and the central nervous system). When you use it to your advantage, your mind can bring you the ultimate in sexual pleasure. Unfortunately, the opposite is also true. Your mind can also cause great sexual dissatisfaction and difficulties.
For a man unable to orgasm from fellatio, he would do well to spend some time examining what is going on with the head between his ears before addressing the head between his legs.
Examine outdated or conflicting beliefs. What do you really think about blowjobs? Do you believe they are a perfectly natural form of sexual expression or do you believe that this particular sexual act is unhygienic, degrading, immoral or sinful despite how good it feels? Do you believe that ejaculating this way will relinquish your masculine power?
Examine your fears. What, if any, fears do you have about fellatio? Do you fear surrendering to a woman? Do you fear she doesn’t like the size or look of your manly rod? Do you fear she is not enjoying herself or won’t like how you taste? Do you fear losing your erection? Do you fear she may accidentally injure you? Are you afraid to tell your partner what to do? Do you worry that you won’t last long enough or too long? Are you afraid to disappoint your lover? Do you fear intimacy created by oral sex?
Examine your expectations. Do you have high expectations for yourself, your body or about blowjobs specifically that may be contributing to performance anxiety? Have you unknowingly accustomed yourself to ejaculate only under certain conditions (alone, vaginally, manually, while watching porn)? Do you believe that a blowjob must end in orgasm and ejaculation to be considered a “success”? Do you think an inability to climax from fellatio makes you less of a man or an incompetent lover? How positive is your sexual self-image?
Any limiting beliefs, fears or unrealistic expectations that can impact your sex life exists within your mind, not outside of your body. If left unexamined and unresolved, these negative thoughts about oral sex will continue to generate feelings of guilt, shame, fear or inadequacy. These, in turn, will create further stress and anxiety making the possibility of achieving orgasm from fellatio nominal at best.
Alcohol and Other Drugs
Alcohol, prescription and non-prescription drugs and other stimulants can negatively impact your brain (and central nervous system) and since your brain affects your sexual functioning, they will negatively impact your ability to ejaculate as well. Use caution.
The Penis: Your Favorite Sex Organ
Now that you have addressed your one head, it is time to move on to your other one. If you were successful in uncovering and resolving your “brain” issues; you should be feeling much more confident and relaxed. You should also be much more adept at focusing on the physical sensations of a blowjob without succumbing to all the negative mind chatter. Perfect.
One of the biggest challenges with fellatio is that the stimulation, while sublime, is not the same as vaginal intercourse or a handjob. For many men, the oral caresses of an attentive lover are simply not enough to trigger an orgasm. Here are some suggestions:
If you engage in regular masturbation, work on varying your solo stimulation techniques. By alternating the manual speed, grip, pressure and technique you will prevent over-sensitivity and make it easier to ejaculate during oral.
Allow yourself to let go. Some men purposely hold back from ejaculating during oral sex in order to prolong the pleasurable sensations. The problem, however, is that by holding back too long their penis then becomes desensitized and they cannot come at all. Lasting longer may be wonderful for penetrative sex but it is seldom needed for oral sex. Besides, your partner will likely suffer from a sore mouth and jaw if you don’t allow yourself to let go in a timely manner.
Communicate your wants and needs. A woman does not have a penis so she will require you to let her know precisely how to worship yours. She will need to know what you enjoy (and what you don’t) during oral. You can indicate your desires with words, sounds or by gently guiding her head and hands.
Change your position. Some men report that laying horizontal on their back for an extended period will not only prohibit them from ejaculating during fellatio; they will also lose their erection. Not surprising since gravity will cause the blood within the penis to reverse its flow. These men did admit however that by simply changing to a sitting, kneeling or standing position during oral the problem was remedied more often than not. The added bonus is that these positions are usually far more comfortable for your partner as well.
Try a combination technique. A combination of oral attention to the head of the penis plus vigorous stroking of the shaft by her hand or yours is often sufficient enough to trigger ejaculation. Some men find the combination of light, feathery lip and tongue action with tight-grip stroking to be ideal to bring them to orgasm. For different sensations, consider having your partner stroke your shaft while wearing a glove on her hand. Try using gloves made of different fabrics such as silk, wool, leather or fur to decide which feels best. Be sure to have lubricant handy as well. Relax! Enjoy!